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INSIDE THIS ISSUE - July 30, 2008
3. The Home Stretch: Setting Your Sights on Victory
By Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman
July 30, 2008
A Note from the Editor
Tracy Steen, Ph.D.
It's the middle of summer and I am trying to think of an appropriate song title to begin this editor's note, but nothing quite right comes to mind. There must be hundreds of songs about summer, all suggesting a totally carefree time of year. Of course the season does have its moments, but continuous fun in the sun is only to be found on Florida billboards. Down here on the ground, there are going to be a few shadows, and it is about one of those shadows that I feel compelled to write in this issue.
Light as well as shadow can come into our lives unexpectedly. Such was the case for me in the past few weeks as I experienced first the death of a close family member, and later that of someone I didn't know personally but greatly admired.
The phrase "a life well lived" takes on singular meaning when you know it to be true of someone who is abruptly no longer here. Recognition of a lifetime well spent brings comfort to those left behind, but there is something more significant--incomparably so--in the final stage of a good life: there is the unmistakable lesson for living that brings our individual strivings into focus. Confronted with the fragility and brevity of life, we are forcefully reminded to fret less about the little things that go wrong, and to be thankfully aware of the many things gong right. It's like a flash of light within the shadow, and we don't want to lose it.
Light can trump darkness in countless ways over the course of a lifetime, so we want to maintain the insight that comes with those moments in which we are unexpectedly jolted into a wider perspective on living. We want to go forward with clarity and purpose, defined by our progress rather than our setbacks.
As ABDs you have that clarity and purpose. It may not be as consistent as you would like, but it has been sufficient to get you where you are today, and it will carry you through to your goal.
You already know how essential it is to persevere when there are setbacks. But in a perverse, frustrating, and all too human way, it's often our own mind that impedes our progress. We resolve to play down the small stuff, yet it's as though small stuff produces sneak previews in our heads: Now Playing! Don't miss Small Stuff in a major mental blockbutster double feature! Once our mind takes hold, the trailers begin to play over and over, and the small stuff we abjured claims major billing in our thoughts. Hold the popcorn; pass the Excedrin. Sigh. Our task--not easy, but essential--is to clear the toxic trailers and keep focused on our own choice of a main feature--our hopes, our plans, our goals.
This is, after all, your life you are living! It's worth the ongoing mental struggle to avoid getting caught up in thoughts that impede rather than enrich. Life is too short to dwell on the negative. We know this, but as we get caught up in the events and demands of the day, we can so easily lose focus and forget. A compelling reminder is found within the kind of shadow written about today. We can't avoid shadow, but neither do we find only darkness there.
Be sure to check out this issue's Inspirational Quotes. As we contemplate the matchless benefit of simply being alive, there is a very familiar quote by Abraham Lincoln that succinctly summarizes wisdom to live by:
Inspirational Quotes
Abraham Lincoln
And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life
in your years.
Foster McClellan
Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with
all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks
of possibility into flames of achievement.
Henry David Thoreau
You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, and find your
eternity in each moment.
Eric Butterworth
Don't go through life, grow through life.
Trinidad Hunt
Life is made of millions of moments, but we live only one of these moments
at a time. As we begin to change this moment, we begin to change our lives.
The Home Stretch: Setting Your Sights on Victory
Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman
I
feel like a proud mother. Terry, one of my dissertation coaching clients,
just completed her dissertation. It's in and she's on her way out (to bigger
and better things)!
Funny, it was only 4 weeks ago that she was nearly ready to throw in the towel. She was at the home stretch but the process was weighing heavily on her shoulders. "What more do these people want from me? How many more changes? I don't want to read through this thing ever again!"
She didn't sound like herself. That's when we needed to take a step back and reconnect with the vision. It is easy to get bogged down with the details of the process when you don't keep in mind the end result in full techo-color vibrancy.
When I work with clients, I take them through several visioning processes. One that I often begin with is a 5 step process:
(1) See it: Close your eyes. Look at your goal squarely in the face. What would a neatly bound, completed dissertation look like? Imagine the evening after a successful dissertation defense. When you look around, whom do you see? Where do you picture yourself? Get specific. I often encourage my clients to put together a vision board that keeps these pictures in the forefront of their minds. What images remind you of your goal? What else is within reach after that goal is achieved?
(2) Sense it: This may take some practice-- especially if you are filled with stress and angst right now. What will it feel like to achieve your goal? What do you hear around you? What does victory taste like and smell like? The more visceral you can make your goal, the more driven you will be to achieve it.
(3) Say it: We are often caught using the future tense when talking about the completion of our dissertation. "I will finish it" might sound good to you but it doesn't put you in action. In fact, that kind of language can invite procrastination. Who says when the "I will" will actually take place? When speaking about your goal, say it as if it is happening right now; "I am finishing my dissertation by December," "I am a graduate of XYZ University."
(4) Believe it: Sometimes we feel as if we are lying to ourselves. Do I really think I'll finish? That kind of goal-robbing gremlin needs to be put to rest. If you don't really believe that you'll be able to succeed, you probably won't. When you have unwavering commitment and conviction in your goal, nothing can stop you. Be sure to put any voices of doubt to bed so that you can concentrate on taking action and making things happen.
(5) Achieve it: This is an active process. Achieving your goal means following your plan, ticking off your check list, and moving forward. Are you closer to your goal than you were yesterday? If so, you are in the process of achieving your goal. And of course, once you check off the last item on your list, the final part of achieving your goal is celebrating your success!
Where are you in the visioning process? Have you set your goals and intentions? Have you created your plan? Once you established where you're going, the path is clear. Now all you have to do is follow it!
Robyn J.A. Silverman, Ph.D. is a success coach who is known
for her results-based yet warm approach to goal achievement. Her clients range
from top executives to motivated students. She conquered her dissertation
process with an uncompromising advisor who proclaimed, "if she can work
with me and come out on top, she can do anything!"
Dr. Robyn is currently offering a free 15 minute mini-coaching
session with the first 10 ready-to-take-action people who respond to this
article. Sorry, no exceptions! Please go to www.DrRobynSilverman.com
and fill out the contact page to schedule your introductory coaching session
right away!